Today was a hard day

Actually, more like just this evening.

I really just wish I could have a baby!!!! Why me?

I also don't understand why some days I am fine and others I am just so sad. My mother-in-law just posted a bunch of pictures on facebook of my sister-in-laws baby and how great he is and how proud she is of him. My sister in law will tell me out of the blue things like "he is starting to sit up" or "he is sleeping through the night", etc. I smile and nod and say "that's great!" But, I feel like I am being ripped in half. It takes every ounce of my being not to run to the bathroom and cry my eyes out (I just wait until I am alone to do that) It is not fair. She got pregnant from a one night stand with a stranger and I am in an incredible loving married relationship with a great man.

Getting pregnant should be the easy fun part. I also feel a little selfish because we have been trying for 14 months and I know there are people out there who have been trying for way longer than I have.

I would love to be able to surprise my mom and dad with a framed sonogram picture this Christmas. I just imagine them opening it and of course that is all I can do...imagine. I have zero money for fertility treatments.

When we decided to start trying (more than a year ago) I was ready that very month.

I just don't understand how my day is perfectly fine and then 'snap' I am so sad! I just can't take it.